This introduction is going to be brief, as I fear that previous introductions have been off-puttingly vast, so here goes – Here read this; it’s about music, and it’s funny and it’s informative and there’s loads of Spotify links and it’s good and that.

I feel so hollow now; I didn’t use a single one of my Jimmy Saville jokes. They took ages to write as well. Really clever ones too. They’re just sat in the bin now. Such a waste. It seems like you’re really missing out.

Well if you want to hear them, maybe just PM me or something.


Album of the Month: Deftones – Koi No Yokan

I rock back and forth on my chair with the Deftones 7th album playing loudly behind me and I’m grateful that a band I loved when I was 16 continues to make brilliant music without losing any of their credibility or majesty, just some stupid trousers, and in 2012 have released their best album yet.

Chino Moreno’s my hero, and in my own small way, I’m a bit like a non-Hispanic version of him. Plus he’s seven years older than me, and if I get to work now, I too could reinvent heavy guitar music with seven consecutively brilliant albums by the time I get to 39 as long as I average one a year. In all likelihood though I’ll probably just fart out a Stylophone rework of Pink Floyd’s ‘The Wall’ in 2016.

PS – It means ‘the promise of love’ don’t you know.

Deftones – Koi No Yokan


Paul Banks – Banks

It’s the guy from Interpol! (As if you wouldn’t have guessed 15 seconds in to the album) and he’s in a terrific mood too! It must have been the other guys who were bringing him down –

“Hey, Banks, you coming to Derek’s Stag-Do this Friday?”

“No. I can’t. Carlos wants me in the studio by 8am Saturday to write some non-sequiturs and listen to him rework the bass-line to “Slow Hands” for nine straight hours. Sigh.”

“That guy’s a dickhole.”

“I know. He is terrifically talented though. Sigh.”

Well that guy’s gone now, and Paul Banks is finally free. He can go to as many of Derek’s future stag-dos as he likes. He’s also discovered parks, ice-cream, a sitcom he’s been meaning to watch called ‘Friends’ and wind-surfing. Go Paul Banks, go!

Paul Banks – Banks


Crystal Castles – (III)

Disappointingly they haven’t continued to name all their albums eponymously; still ‘(III)’ isn’t too much of a stretch into the heady world of imaginative titling.

Glass and Kath are managing to get an awful lot of mileage out of what is essentially a NES hooked up to a Korg, but they still sound amazing, with Alice Glass’ vocals darting melodically around the tracks, sounding slightly less like she wants to punch you in the dick than last time. Don’t be fooled though, she’ll get around to you eventually.

Crystal Castles – (III)


…And You Will Know Us by the Trail of the Dead – Lost Songs

It’s been a good month for your favourite rock bands releasing the best material of their long and awesome careers.

…Trail of Dead are just stone-cold ace, and they make you want to follow them around wherever they go. Even the Norwich Art Centre, which they played last month. Imagine that, you say!? The people of Norwich enjoying music as progressive and artful as this! Without a jug being blown into, or a washboard being scrapped in sight!

Well that’s a very immature opinion to have of the good people of Norwich frankly, and has only proved you to be as ill-informed as you are offensive.

And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead – Lost Songs


The Weeknd – Trilogy

Each of the albums in this set was released last year as a free download, so this technically isn’t a new release, but each track has been remastered so beautifully it sounds brand new, especially if you’ve been listening to crappily torrented MP3s for the last twelve months.

Things we’ve learnt from listening to 30 songs by The Weeknd in one sitting: He’s a talented guy. He’s a little glum. He will drug you and leave your ravaged naked body on the steps of which ever brothel he got distracted by as he carried you over his shoulders through Soho.

The Weeknd – Trilogy


Phew, I very nearly almost touched on actually reviewing some of those albums then.

Maybe next month.

Cuddles. x



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